So one thing I am very aware of is that life, no more like society is very loud. Almost deafening. In a sense that its message has infiltrated almost every facet of ones life. As you notice there is a significant gap between this post and previous post. Its because I became "busy". Not in the real sense. I just was filling up my time with non-important things. TV shows, random busy work, sleeping, games. Sure I was still doing school work and working but all my free time was spent in front of a screen participating in mindless entertainment. The weird thing is that I noticed. I noticed I was reading my bible less, praying less, listening to the word less. Yet I made up clever excuses or more accurately just didn't think about it, avoidance at its finest. I also noticed a regression in my behaviors, little white lies, getting angry and arguing at little things, feeling depressed, lost. Things that made sense in my life started to become confusing. But then out of boredom I decided to start up my summer reading list again, and what was on it but Crazy Love by Francis Chan. Two things in the book stood out to me.
The first was lukewarm Christianity. It just as it sounds. Doing the bare minimum. Following Christ when its convenient. Never truly trusting God. Relying on him only when all your options have been exhausted. Making God your "extra backup plan" or your "just in case". The second was conviction without action. Many times I feel convicted to do something, to change, but never follow through or don't trust God to change me. I truly do want the Lord to change me. I want the fruits of the spirit to manifest in me:
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. - Galatians 5:22-23(NIV)
I also want a Christ like humility:
Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. - Philippians 2:3-11
The thing is society literally portrays the opposite of this. We are always competing with one other for jobs, looks, money, wealth. With social media the comparisons become even more minute. We are taught to look out for ourselves. Pick up any magazine and it will tell you how to look the best, win the interview, etc. We are taught how to take charge, be assertive, take what you deserve. We also focus a lot on superficial things. I just checked my e-mail and in just the advertisements I started to become self conscious of myself. Which is why another book I have read is slowly helping me to overcome such stuff. More about that in another post :)
Monday, June 9, 2014
Monday, April 14, 2014
04/14/2014 (Part Two)
Dear God,
So I have been thinking more about blessings. I realize how truly and utterly ungrateful I am. As the Lord continues to bless me I feel so, undeserving. Before when I prayed, (which was once every blue moon, normally in times of trouble) I would thank God for waking me up, putting food on the table and clothes on my back, etc. Yet that is all I did, was say those things. I don't think I ever realized the meaning behind those words. I have no idea what it means to be hungry. Yet I waste food and complain when a waiter "takes to long" or when there is no "snack food" and I actually have to cook something. I've never been denied education or persecuted in pursuit of it. Yet I complain about too much homework or professors I dislike. I complain about money yet all my needs and then some have been provided for me. I've never been without a place to sleep. I have both my parents. I have traveled across the country and outside of it as well. I am in good health, the worst I ever had was some minor food poisoning, yet I complain when I have a cold. I've never broken any major bones. I have full functionality of all my five senses. I was born in a religious household with a mother who cared for and about my salvation. Yet I have taken these things and many more as "expected". Meaning I expected these things from my life as if they were my right and not my privilege.
I have so much to be thankful for, so much bestowed upon someone so unworthy. I have squandered MANY blessings due to such thinking. Just thinking of all the wasted blessings makes me shudder as the Lord continues to bless me. I feel like God has given me *talent after talent after talent and I keep burying them over and over and over again. As I continue this journey I am learning to be faithful in the little things. How can I expect God to bless me with more when I squander and take for grant it the little I have? May the Lord continue to work in me and mold me into his humble servant.
From,
Your Humbled Servant
*talent = For those unfamiliar with the reference of the Parable of the Talents read here: Matthew 25:14-30
So I have been thinking more about blessings. I realize how truly and utterly ungrateful I am. As the Lord continues to bless me I feel so, undeserving. Before when I prayed, (which was once every blue moon, normally in times of trouble) I would thank God for waking me up, putting food on the table and clothes on my back, etc. Yet that is all I did, was say those things. I don't think I ever realized the meaning behind those words. I have no idea what it means to be hungry. Yet I waste food and complain when a waiter "takes to long" or when there is no "snack food" and I actually have to cook something. I've never been denied education or persecuted in pursuit of it. Yet I complain about too much homework or professors I dislike. I complain about money yet all my needs and then some have been provided for me. I've never been without a place to sleep. I have both my parents. I have traveled across the country and outside of it as well. I am in good health, the worst I ever had was some minor food poisoning, yet I complain when I have a cold. I've never broken any major bones. I have full functionality of all my five senses. I was born in a religious household with a mother who cared for and about my salvation. Yet I have taken these things and many more as "expected". Meaning I expected these things from my life as if they were my right and not my privilege.
I have so much to be thankful for, so much bestowed upon someone so unworthy. I have squandered MANY blessings due to such thinking. Just thinking of all the wasted blessings makes me shudder as the Lord continues to bless me. I feel like God has given me *talent after talent after talent and I keep burying them over and over and over again. As I continue this journey I am learning to be faithful in the little things. How can I expect God to bless me with more when I squander and take for grant it the little I have? May the Lord continue to work in me and mold me into his humble servant.
From,
Your Humbled Servant
*talent = For those unfamiliar with the reference of the Parable of the Talents read here: Matthew 25:14-30
04/14/2014 (Part One)
Dear God,
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Isn’t there more to life than food and more to the body than clothing? Look at the birds in the sky: They do not sow, or reap, or gather into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Aren’t you more valuable than they are? And which of you by worrying can add even one hour to his life? Why do you worry about clothing? Think about how the flowers of the field grow; they do not work or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his glory was clothed like one of these! And if this is how God clothes the wild grass, which is here today and tomorrow is tossed into the fire to heat the oven, won’t he clothe you even more, you people of little faith? So then, don’t worry saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear?’ For the unconverted pursue these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But above all pursue his kingdom and righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. So then, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Today has enough trouble of its own.
-- Matthew 6:25-34
There are three things that "irk" me like no other when listening to sermons/preachers. The first is a sermon solely based on cliche "godly" sayings to make one "feel good" with no scriptural substance. The second is hell, fire, and brimstone preaching as a way to scare people into Christianity, and the third which I have been thinking about of late and the context for this scripture is prosperity preaching. Just something about making God some magic genie that fulfills all ones wishes doesn't sit well with me. God doesn't owe us anything. Out of his grace and mercy he gave us salvation through Christ Jesus. He gave us his only son to die(John 3:16). So I feel, I don't know, wrong in feeling angry with God if he didn't bless me the way I wanted to be blessed, or when I felt he should have blessed me. This doesn't mean I don't, every once in a while I do. I say things like "Guess you forgot about me God" or "Am I being punished?". Yet afterwards I feel a sense of regret and deep sorrow. For if I took just a couple seconds to think on my life I would realize how utterly and truly blessed I am and how unworthy I am of such. Yet he still continues to bless me and provide for me. I continue to see his hand in my many problems day in and day out. Even in times when I have strayed from him. Just in the past few hours he has continue to bless me. Also as I am learning to humble myself I am learning to be dependent upon God. To trust in him and place my anxieties upon him. Such a simple sentence but it is one of the most difficult things for me to do. For so long I have lived with a self-sufficient attitude towards life. If you merged a micro-manager and a worry wart with a dash of indecisiveness you would have me. May the Lord continue to work in me and create in me a pure heart and a humble spirit.
From,
Your Humbled Servant
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Isn’t there more to life than food and more to the body than clothing? Look at the birds in the sky: They do not sow, or reap, or gather into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Aren’t you more valuable than they are? And which of you by worrying can add even one hour to his life? Why do you worry about clothing? Think about how the flowers of the field grow; they do not work or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his glory was clothed like one of these! And if this is how God clothes the wild grass, which is here today and tomorrow is tossed into the fire to heat the oven, won’t he clothe you even more, you people of little faith? So then, don’t worry saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear?’ For the unconverted pursue these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But above all pursue his kingdom and righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. So then, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Today has enough trouble of its own.
-- Matthew 6:25-34
There are three things that "irk" me like no other when listening to sermons/preachers. The first is a sermon solely based on cliche "godly" sayings to make one "feel good" with no scriptural substance. The second is hell, fire, and brimstone preaching as a way to scare people into Christianity, and the third which I have been thinking about of late and the context for this scripture is prosperity preaching. Just something about making God some magic genie that fulfills all ones wishes doesn't sit well with me. God doesn't owe us anything. Out of his grace and mercy he gave us salvation through Christ Jesus. He gave us his only son to die(John 3:16). So I feel, I don't know, wrong in feeling angry with God if he didn't bless me the way I wanted to be blessed, or when I felt he should have blessed me. This doesn't mean I don't, every once in a while I do. I say things like "Guess you forgot about me God" or "Am I being punished?". Yet afterwards I feel a sense of regret and deep sorrow. For if I took just a couple seconds to think on my life I would realize how utterly and truly blessed I am and how unworthy I am of such. Yet he still continues to bless me and provide for me. I continue to see his hand in my many problems day in and day out. Even in times when I have strayed from him. Just in the past few hours he has continue to bless me. Also as I am learning to humble myself I am learning to be dependent upon God. To trust in him and place my anxieties upon him. Such a simple sentence but it is one of the most difficult things for me to do. For so long I have lived with a self-sufficient attitude towards life. If you merged a micro-manager and a worry wart with a dash of indecisiveness you would have me. May the Lord continue to work in me and create in me a pure heart and a humble spirit.
Create for me a pure heart, O God!
Renew a resolute spirit within me! Do not reject me!
Do not take your Holy Spirit away from me!
Renew a resolute spirit within me! Do not reject me!
Do not take your Holy Spirit away from me!
Let me again experience the joy of your deliverance!
Sustain me by giving me the desire to obey!
Sustain me by giving me the desire to obey!
--Psalm 51:10-12
From,
Your Humbled Servant
04/13/2014
Dear God,
How easily indwelling sin tries to trick us in times of peace. Although now that I am more acquainted with it, I have by the grace of God become more vigilant. Although I still struggle, sin is enticing, if it wasn't no one would do it. Though I pray that Christ would continue his good work in me that I may withstand such attacks as only he can mortify the "old man" as I am a new creature in Christ.
To be more specific I caught myself falling back into old routines, ones which I know to well where they lead. As soon as things started to go "well" in my life I began to relax, I didn't pray as much, didn't read the bible as much, etc. Yet I noticed the lack, and was able to stop before thing got to far. Lord, thank you for showing me the error of my ways that I may not stray from you.
In hindsight I realize that one needs to be most vigilant in times of blessings as we so easily forget who helped us in our dark times and from whom such blessings comes from. May I continue to stay humble and follow him.
From,
Your Humbled Servant
How easily indwelling sin tries to trick us in times of peace. Although now that I am more acquainted with it, I have by the grace of God become more vigilant. Although I still struggle, sin is enticing, if it wasn't no one would do it. Though I pray that Christ would continue his good work in me that I may withstand such attacks as only he can mortify the "old man" as I am a new creature in Christ.
To be more specific I caught myself falling back into old routines, ones which I know to well where they lead. As soon as things started to go "well" in my life I began to relax, I didn't pray as much, didn't read the bible as much, etc. Yet I noticed the lack, and was able to stop before thing got to far. Lord, thank you for showing me the error of my ways that I may not stray from you.
In hindsight I realize that one needs to be most vigilant in times of blessings as we so easily forget who helped us in our dark times and from whom such blessings comes from. May I continue to stay humble and follow him.
From,
Your Humbled Servant
04/12/2014
Dear God,
Things have become so much more peaceful now that I have placed my anxieties in God's hands. This doesn't mean I just sit idle. Just that I know as I face the problems of life I have God on my side to help me. I do not need to worry for he will provide for me. For the past couple of days I have been listening to John Piper's series on Pride & Humility one of the many things I struggle with. Especially his sermon, Are You Humble Enough to Be Care-Free?
I realized that I had been for so long trying to solve all my problems by sheer will power. That only I could change things, that if I just tried hard enough I could do it. Another thing that I am learning as God is humbling me is how to ask others for help. Before I wouldn't ever ask others for help because I didn't want to look incompetent or stupid. I would put on a false sense of self sufficiency when on the inside everything was falling apart. How naive I was. I pray that the Lord will continue to work in me and that I may gain a servants heart and I may produce the fruits of the Spirit.
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness,
goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such
things there is no law."
-- Galatians 5:22-23
-- Galatians 5:22-23
I realize now that I was trying to achieve this minus the God part, which is foolish as these are manifestations from the Holy Spirit that God has given us. That he sent his Son to die to give us a way in that we may be saved. How unworthy I am of such things. Yet he still continues to work in me.
From,
Your Humbled Servant
04/11/2014
Dear God,
I was able to support someone in there spiritual journey today. They had started to question there faith. By the work you made in me and the change in my life I was able to give them comfort. What a wonderful feeling knowing that through you I was able to help someone else. May I continue to be of use to you.
From,
Your Humbled Servant
I was able to support someone in there spiritual journey today. They had started to question there faith. By the work you made in me and the change in my life I was able to give them comfort. What a wonderful feeling knowing that through you I was able to help someone else. May I continue to be of use to you.
From,
Your Humbled Servant
04/10/2014
Dear God,
I understand now why people wish to share you with others. To have others feel what you feel. The sense of peace, comfort, and joy. Someone close to me I see in certain times a struggle, a lack of joy. I don't mean one must forever be joyful but during difficult times it is nice to know you have someone there for you, who loves and cares for you well being. Yet I do not know how to help them as they have known me for most of my life and my recent transformation in God may seem odd or even "fake" to them because literally a few weeks before I was in the same place they are in. Which leads me to another conclusion that like the past me who was stubborn and didn't listen, it will take Gods divine grace to move that which I can't. So here I pray that the same work God made in me He would make in them. Although I pray that I may be able to help them avoid the same "experience" I had to get there.
Back-story time, I had become someone who was self-righteous, self-reliant, and prideful and it took a Greek tragedy fall multiple times before I realized that I was doing something wrong. That I needed to humble myself, to place my cares upon Him. Not just in times of need but in prosperity. I needed him to guide me and work in me that I may become a servant, humbled by Him. Yet this was one of the hardest lessons I had to learn. For someone who feels they can conquer the world if they only try hard enough, that they need to submit themselves to another is a hard pill to swallow. I pray that through my own testimony/experience I can help her on her journey.
From,
Your Humbled Servant
I understand now why people wish to share you with others. To have others feel what you feel. The sense of peace, comfort, and joy. Someone close to me I see in certain times a struggle, a lack of joy. I don't mean one must forever be joyful but during difficult times it is nice to know you have someone there for you, who loves and cares for you well being. Yet I do not know how to help them as they have known me for most of my life and my recent transformation in God may seem odd or even "fake" to them because literally a few weeks before I was in the same place they are in. Which leads me to another conclusion that like the past me who was stubborn and didn't listen, it will take Gods divine grace to move that which I can't. So here I pray that the same work God made in me He would make in them. Although I pray that I may be able to help them avoid the same "experience" I had to get there.
Back-story time, I had become someone who was self-righteous, self-reliant, and prideful and it took a Greek tragedy fall multiple times before I realized that I was doing something wrong. That I needed to humble myself, to place my cares upon Him. Not just in times of need but in prosperity. I needed him to guide me and work in me that I may become a servant, humbled by Him. Yet this was one of the hardest lessons I had to learn. For someone who feels they can conquer the world if they only try hard enough, that they need to submit themselves to another is a hard pill to swallow. I pray that through my own testimony/experience I can help her on her journey.
From,
Your Humbled Servant
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