04/05/2014

Dear God,

I realized that without my knowledge I have been chained. Realizing that you have become addicted to something only makes the addiction worse because your try to rationalize the situation which doesn't need to be. It just needs to stop. Lord I realize that I have gained another master and this one will be difficult to escape. It is my computer. Or more specifically the activities I use it for. When I have obligations to fulfill I will procrastinate by mindlessly surfing the web. When I should be interacting with family I'm playing games on my computer. When I should be reading the word I'm watching movies on the computer. When I'm feeling lonely, I skype on my computer. I believe that technology is a wonderful tool that can be helpful and progressive although I believe mine has become more then that. When I think of giving up certain TV shows or games I physically become ill and when trying to give them up I experience withdrawal symptoms, I rationalize why I'm being absurd in resisting the allure. I realize I'm using the activities on the computer to substitute for the lack of stimulation or purpose in my real life.

The sad thing is everyone else saw this addiction years before yet when confronted I became angry and agitated. Foolishly I didn't heed there warnings. I believe that if I did I could have saved myself many a heartache. Yet getting rid of this addiction will not be easy. I will need the strength of the Lord first and foremost and those of my family and friends for support. Although the hardest part seems to be admitting I need to be delivered from this addiction. Do I actually want to be freed? I'm not fully convinced yet. When I partake in these activities I feel happy, warm and satisfied yet the trade off is never equal usually sacrificing relationships and life opportunities for "virtual rewards" that have very little real world value. I feel like God has a calling for me yet I waste time he could be using me on other activities. So I begin my two prong attack on both procrastination and my internet/game addiction. May the Lord have mercy on my soul as I partake on this fifteen year in the making habit.

 So I pray Lord for purpose, for direction, for knowledge and for strength. I can see the person I can be through you and I strive to achieve it.

From,
Your Humbled Servant