04/02/2014

Dear God,

Today I realized many things I have not before. First I have been humbled. A lesson I needed as I realized now one of my greatest enemies in my walk is hubris or more aptly named pride. And like the Greek tragedies of old I have fallen. Although this would not be the first. But I think this is the first time I finally learned what you have been trying to teach me for many years now. A humbleness of spirit, or a servants heart. I did not realize my self-righteous nature for I had lived with it so long that it became a part of me. I had given it many names, that I was blunt, outspoken, telling it like it is. Yet what I was doing was putting myself on a pedestal, one of my own creation. Now that my pedestal has crumbled I'm left on the cold hard floor and I realize the falseness of my own superiority. So I call upon you that you may guide my steps.

Many people talk of there walk with you but I feel that anyone viewing our walk together would find it unsightly. For on this journey I am constantly stumbling, tripping, and falling and each time you slowly wait for me, encouraging me. Sometimes I fall and it seems to much so I cry in anguish that its to much, yet you still stop for me and grab my hand, gently helping me along. Sometimes I fall and I have no strength to carry on and you gently pick me up and cradle me in your arms till I have the strength to walk again. Other times the road becomes so dark that I can't see they way, you then grab my hand and with a squeeze reassure me that we will make it through. The darkness scares me and I hear things, sounds, temptations calling my name, yet I try to stay focused on the feeling of your hand because if I lose it I don't know if I could make it out of the darkness alone.

Then there are those rare times when we are walking in stride and you are showing me the beauty of the path we walk and things seem so much brighter, life has so much clarity. Then the voices return and call to me. Telling me to go faster and that I'm now strong enough to walk on my own. As I begin to pull ahead you call to me but I can't hear you. Soon I can no longer see you yet things seem to be going fine for a time, then I enter unfamiliar territory. I am no longer sure which way I am suppose to go but I continue on, confident that eventually I'll find the way. Things begin to get dark and I can no longer see the path. The air is cold and suddenly I realize the presence that guided me is gone. How could I have forgotten the one who had been leading me so far. How did I truly believe I could make it on my own. I then begin to cry and yell, I need guidance for I can't do it alone. Then as if you had been shadowing me the whole time you return to me and the sight of your outstretched hand is the most comforting thing I have ever seen. Its power and strength flow to me and we begin our journey again.
So I pray that you will cleanse me of my prideful nature and teach me the meaning of humility so I will not leave you. For I have strayed many times believing in my own understanding. Such a lonely road that is.

From,
Your Humbled Servant